Who are you? What roles do you play?
As if you need another existential crisis…
But I promise it is for a good reason.
When we hear this question, the mind associates our identity with the role we inhabit in society:
- A father, son, daughter, employee, drunk, etc…
And it comes as no surprise.
From kindergarten to being an employee, we had already played a couple of roles assigned by society. This hardwired habit of playing roles imposed by others gets increasingly difficult to eliminate.
Uncertainty creates conformity.
How Do We Adopt Roles
You can see that clearly in kids. They listen to their parents as they do not know anything. They are weak and clueless, and they rely on their parents in order to survive.
Later in teenagers, they conform to the group rules to be socially accepted and avoid rejection. They experiment and learn what they should be doing and how to behave to get what they want.
Or when your friend introduces you to people from another culture, you copy what he does in order to fit in and not look peculiar.
Later in life, social pressure shapes our behaviour, thoughts and feelings. This behaviour of neglecting your feelings and adopting the behaviour of others is known as Herd Mentality.
If we fail to obey the social norms, we are at risk of being ousted from the group. In other words, we conform by changing our behaviour to match the group’s behaviour.
When you adopt a role, your behaviour changes to match that role.
This behaviour made sense in the days of hunter-gatherers, where if you had not complied with the group rules, you lost access to food, shelter and protection. That translates to a death sentence.
Today, however, things are different. Although the dynamics of power are pretty much the same, we have access to a nearly unlimited number of groups.
This, in turn, allows us to keep our individuality and sense of self without putting ourselves at risk.
It’s obvious that by the time we are adults and young adults, we have inhabited multiple roles, many of which we’re not even aware of and do not portray our true selves.
We got stuck playing roles demanded by others.
Check out the famous Stanford Prison Experiment to see how powerful roles really are. Bear in mind that the experiment only lasted 6 days, and the participants could leave at any time.
The question is:
Is it possible to choose the roles we want, and if so, how one does do that?
The first thing to realise is that this process is in our control and easy to change.
It starts with a change of perspective.
Choosing A Role (Identity)
Sometimes a change in perspective is all that we need. It is that powerful!
Changing how we interpret a situation can offer new insights and solutions that may not have been apparent from the original viewpoint.
Let’s take an example:
- Your professional job is: waiter, cashier, barista, real estate agent, etc…
However, in your spare time, you create content on youtube about makeup. You provide helpful content such as tutorials and giving advice, creating a community of like-minded people.
When someone asks you what you do, the answer will probably be: “I am working as a real estate agent at company X, and I do Y and Z, which resulted in sales of N amount”.
It is interesting to see how we associate our identity with the profession contributing to society and not with the role that brings us fulfilment.
Why Are We Afraid to Express Our Individuality
That particularly applies when we just get started. We’re not exposing ourselves for various reasons:
- Being judged by the group. People don’t like change, and people in your group don’t want you to change. You’re bringing discomfort to the group.
- Influenced by other people’s opinions.
- We do not own it. We are not 100% dedicated to the role.
- Others might steal it.
- We don’t trust ourselves. Etc…
We only want to tell others only after we become successful. By doing that, we cannot get feedback and improve the process, and if that sounds good to you, then you need to check your EGO.
We have a particular restraint to express our individuality out of fear of being judged or treated in a certain way.
It’s related to the group mentality I talked about earlier.
You have to discover yourself! Don’t deny yourself the chance to evolve just to belong to a group. It’s a crime against yourself!
I’m telling you that the sooner you put yourself out there, the better!
So what if you have to work a job you don’t like? It’s temporary! The goal is to pay the bills while you work on your freedom.
Own it, see how it goes, and if you change your mind down the road, you can always try something else.
Strategically, we have to play some roles to fit in society or to attract the people we like, but this is not what I’m talking about here.
What I’m saying is that we inhibit roles consciously and unconsciously. Just be aware of what roles you inhabit and why.
A Change of Perspective
Here’s how a role is internalised:
- Say you’re working as a cashier. You’re labelled as a cashier, people treat you as a cashier, you earn as a cashier, and you behave like a cashier.
Now, I’m compassionate towards anyone who works jobs not many want to do (I’ve done that myself). I truly believe that all work is noble and deserves respect.
I’m speaking in the context of wanting to pursue other roles and not getting distracted. Here, a change in perspective is necessary for you not to get sidetracked.
The key is to revert to your role once you finish your duty.
This quote by Machiavelli from his book “The Prince”, puts it perfectly:
“When evening comes, I return home and go into my study. On the threshold I strip off my muddy, sweaty, workday clothes, and put on the robes of court and palace, and in this graver dress I enter the antique courts of the ancients and am welcomed by them, and there I taste the food that alone is mine, and for which I was born. And there I make bold to speak to them and ask the motives of their actions, and they, in their humanity, reply to me. And for the space of four hours I forget the world, remember no vexation, fear poverty no more, tremble no more at death: I pass indeed into their world.”
Reflect on this.
How would a change of perspective look like in our example?
What is your role?
- Are you a waiter who likes to paint in his free time, or are you an artist who works in hospitality to pay your bills?
- Are you a barista who likes to create content online in his free time, or are you a content creator who works in a cafe shop to support yourself?
- Are you a cashier who likes writing in your free time, or are you a writer who works as a cashier to save money for a book lunch?
- Are you a real estate agent with a passion for programming, or are you a programmer who works as a real estate agent because the market is tight?
Do you get it?
It’s about perspective!
So, who are you?
Conclusion
Roles have a major impact on our lives because they provide a sense of purpose, identity, and direction.
Having a clear understanding of the roles we play in our lives can help us prioritize our time, make better decisions, and achieve our goals.
As each of these roles comes with a set of expectations, responsibilities, and duties we can easily fall into playing roles society has designed for us.
We have to be aware that society merely suggests roles but the decision is ours. It is in our power to choose the roles we want!
I have much love for those of you who are working odd jobs to save money to go on the offence. Don’t internalise the role you’re inhibiting now with your identity! Keep your eye on the prize.
I’ve been there too.
If you found this useful, send me a message on socials or Email.
Dragos.