To some, fear of success sounds like a silly thing. I mean, who doesn’t want to be successful?
While to others, fear of success is an experience that can hold them back from achieving their goals.
This is one of the many obstacles I had to overcome.
I wrote this article because I know how frustrating it can be to overcome a mental block when you don’t have the necessary tools.
I will share with you what I have learned about the fear of success: its causes, effects, and how to overcome it.
Tell me if this sounds familiar to you:
A project you’ve been working on for a long time is about to finish. Most of the work is done, and you entered the final stretch. The change is around the corner, waiting for you.
The emotions grow in intensity. They become so intense that you start getting anxious and fearful. It appears that everything has been going wrong for you lately. You are making more mistakes than usual, struggling to get good rest, and finding it difficult to control your thoughts. Doubting yourself at this stage means self-sabotage.
As a result, repeated mistakes can have a compounding effect, leading to self-sabotage that can quickly destroy progress. Before you know it, you have denied yourself growth and are back to square one.
The imminent change that would have happened once you crossed that line and not the success itself is what increases anxiety and fear.
Unlike fear of failure, where lack of faith keeps you from taking action, fear of success stops you from finishing the last 1% after 99% of the work was already completed.
Quitting when the bulk of work is completed sounds ridiculous. So why does this happen?
What causes Fear of Success
If I am to summarise in a sentence fear of success, that would be:
Fear of success is fear of change.
With change, we need to adapt, learn and develop new ways of doing things. And if you know a thing or two about human nature, you know that we don’t like being uncomfortable and powerless. Yet alone both at the same time.
And change is just that in the beginning. To navigate the darkness without a map, with limited knowledge and into unfamiliar territory.
People resist change for a variety of reasons, some of which may be more conscious than others:
- Trauma: This encompasses the negative experiences encountered in our childhood and later cemented by our experiences in life. Negative experiences such as being accused of showing off, bragging, work not being acknowledged and so on.
- Criticism: Fear of criticism is a major setback for many, and I know I struggled with this a lot. I learned that not putting yourself out there out of fear that someone will criticise your work or judge you is the fastest way to accumulate frustration and fill yourself with regret. The last thing you want to go through when you’re old is regret and lots of what-ifs. As Aristotle puts it: “There’s only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.”
- Change: As stated earlier, we like things to stay the same and have control over them. To change, we must step outside of our comfort zone. This can be anxiety-provoking, as it requires us to learn new things and adapt to new ways of doing things. To overcome the fear of change, you need to challenge your limiting beliefs, and gradually expose yourself to new experiences and perspectives. I know how hard it is to do this but remember that you cannot become a better version of yourself if you hold on to a closed-minded perspective. (judging others or refusing to consider new information or ideas).
- Guilt (Outgrowing your friends): When working towards becoming a better version of yourself, that can result in you outgrowing your friends. Although this can be perceived as a negative experience, letting go of relationships that hold you back is the best thing you can do for your evolution. For some people, the sensation of lacking friends is so crippling that they would rather regress to a previous version of themselves just to keep those friends.
- You shouldn’t feel sorry if your friends get offended as e result of you outgrowing them. Your purpose is to find happiness and fulfilment. That can take the form of building a business, travelling the world to experience its beauty or buying the latest car or gadget and so on. If your friends feel small and insecure by that, it’s their problem, not yours.
But that doesn’t mean that you’ll be lonely if you get successful.
Let’s shift the perspective. If you focus on self-improvement, you’ll likely outgrow some of your current friends. However, this doesn’t mean you’ll be alone, instead, you’ll have the opportunity to meet people that align with your beliefs and who can bring even more value to your life.
How fear of success is manifested.
I know it sounds trite, but I do believe that each person is capable of achieving anything they put their mind to. You, me and everyone else have what it takes in order to satisfy our deepest desires. But to make it happen, it takes a lot of effort, trust in the process and time.
However, it’s easier to fiddle around than commit 100%. Fiddling is painless, safe and gives us the feeling of progress.
And because of that, it’s difficult to persist and persevere, which can result in not seeing any results.
When we don’t achieve the desired outcome, we get discouraged and doubt our capabilities, resulting in anxiety and fear.
When fear becomes a dominant influence in our decision-making and daily lives, the brain develops defence mechanisms or coping strategies to handle the overwhelming emotions.
Examples of coping mechanisms:
- Imposter syndrome: This is one of the most deceptive conditions. It makes you feel inadequate or like a fraud despite evidence of success. People with a fear of success may experience imposter syndrome, feeling like they don’t deserve their success or that they have somehow fooled others into thinking they are successful.
- Giving up: Or quitting just before the finish line. Even though consciously you want to succeed, deep down lays the misconception that it’s better for you to stay in the environment you created for yourself (because it’s safe), rather than becoming a better version in a new reality.
- Anxiety: Because success brings about change and change is unknown, it fuels anxiety.
- Lack of motivation (or lack of goals): When people doubt their capability to handle the responsibilities and expectations that come with success. They may shy away from pursuing their goals or exerting the effort required to achieve them.
Have you noticed a pattern?
These mental blocks delay or deny action.
Our thoughts greatly influence our actions, and these mental blocks alter our daily behaviour.
And it makes sense. Subconsciously we postpone change for as long as we can, the new is a scary uncharted territory, and something awful may happen to us if we dare step into it.
We are hardwired to resist change, seeking comfort and control. We have our routines and habits, it’s what we call the comfort zone.
Looking at our society and you will see the strong need for control. This is not expressed just over other people but also over the nature, the economy, the political process and so on.
What are the effects of fear of success?
Dealing with the fear of success can be quite a challenge. But, there are signs and patterns that can help identify it. Here are 3 I have noticed in myself and others:
- Perfectionism: Fear of success can also take the form of perfectionism. Here, individuals hold themselves to impossibly high standards and feel like they can never measure up. This can lead to a fear of taking risks or trying new things, as they may fear not meeting their expectations.
- Procrastination: This is one of the most common behaviours. Rise your hand if you’re procrastinating right now✋. People who fear success may procrastinate on tasks or avoid taking action altogether. They may put off pursuing their goals or delay making decisions that could lead to success, causing them to miss out on valuable opportunities.
- Low self-esteem: Sometimes, people find it hard to attain success because they lack confidence in themselves and feel undeserving. This could be a result of having low self-esteem. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, causing them to hold back from pursuing their dreams.
Once you notice specific symptoms recurring again and again, you can start to identify the underlying causes and develop strategies for addressing them. It can be a slow and gradual process, but it is often the most effective way to make lasting change.
Gradual process leads to lasting change.
How to Overcome Fear of Success
We’ve seen what causes fear of success, what coping mechanisms the brain develops and how it influences our decision-making.
Now, how would one start making progress?
- Value the Process: The transformative power lies in the process itself, rather than the outcome. Realise that finishing a task is much more important than the result itself. What matters is who you become in trying to achieve a goal.
- Set big objectives: It’s tied to the idea above: the process is more important than the result. Setting audacious goals pushes you to become the best version of yourself. If you start the process of setting up goals, don’t use the S.M.A.R.T. system. Here’s why I don’t recommend it.
- Journaling: I don’t know how you feel about having a journal but if you’re like me, you’re probably thinking: What good is a journal? I had preconceived ideas about journaling too, but trust me when I say this, the power of crystallising your thoughts on paper is real. Here’s the thing: Journaling helps you track your progress.
- Seeing where you started from and the progress you made by stepping out of your comfort zone, will boost your confidence and make you rethink your capabilities. It doesn’t have to be a journal in the classical sense, just write whatever thoughts you may have on paper when they pop into your head. Analyze them and ask yourself why you were thinking the way you did. There is a lot to say about the benefits of journaling, so I’ll write a whole article about it.
- Realise that it’s not that big of a deal: The success that is about to materialize is just one of many that will follow. Change is the only constant, and you should celebrate that you brought about the change you desired. Don’t let your imagination and EGO get the best of you. As Seneca wisely said: “We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.”
- Visualisation: By consciously picturing desired outcomes, scenarios, or experiences, visualisation can have a profound impact on your mindset, motivation, and ultimately your actions. This tool is especially used by athletes. Check THIS article about the power of visualisation.
- Ask for support: There is no shame in asking for help, especially when it comes to mental health. You can do this by talking to others that have overcome the issue you’re currently facing. Their insight will provide you with valuable information. These can be your friends or support groups but ultimately, get professional help if you’re not noticing any progress.
Conclusion
Although fear of success can have deep roots, it is possible to overcome it.
Learn to go all the way when you find yourself on the last mile with the conviction that whatever happens, you’ll find a way to overcome obstacles. Completing tasks not only increases your confidence in your ability to finish what you’ve started, but it also reduces mental clutter.
It’s more important for you to see what’s beyond the finish line and to draw your conclusions (get closure), than to go back to where you began and start all over again. It doesn’t matter whether you’re satisfied with the result or not. It is often difficult to see the outcome or lessons of a situation at the time. With time and perspective, things will make more sense.
The reason why is incredibly hard to get over a mental block is because it inhibits action.
When we avoid taking action, we are essentially telling our brains that we are not capable of doing something.
Taking action is a simple way to prevent the majority of mental blocks.
Action sets you free!
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Dragos.