We all know someone that talks about themselves a bit too much. They show an inflated sense of self-importance or self-centeredness. That’s what we call an Ego.
In Sigmund Freud’s Personality theory, Ego is placed between ID (instincts) and Superego (morality). These parts together interact and contribute to the individual’s behaviour.
Like any human characteristic, Ego has a role that can be beneficial to our development. It can help us overcome unfavorable situations, obstacles and boosts confidence.
A healthy dose of Ego can help you become who you want to be.
A healthy dose!
Each one of us has an Ego, some have more than others. But Ego left unchecked, will lead to a deeply unhappy life.
It’s easy to notice Ego in others, but what if that person is us?
5 Signs that your Ego is in control
As I mentioned earlier, Ego is helpful as long as is controlled.
But what happens if you’re the one controlled by it? What signs would you display?
1. You’re envious of others: When other people are more successful than you, you’re not happy for them. This emotion comes from wanting the results, awards, and attention other people get without putting in the work required. It clouds the judgement and distorts reality making you entitled, after all, other people got the results without earning them. (your Ego tells you)
2. You compare yourself to others: “Comparison is the thief of joy” Theodore Rosefelt said. And I agree with him. If you use comparison to validate your worth (Ex. You are good because you’re better than X, not because you made a conscious decision to be good) will lead to always looking at others and not focusing on yourself and your results.
3. You hate losing: You hate losing because of how other people perceive you and not whether you tried your best with what you had. Rather than learning and improving yourself (the old trial and error path), you’d take an easy and undeserved win any day of the week because it appears good in the eyes of others.
4. You always want more stuff: This stems from insecurity. You want to enhance your image by showing off luxury goods or the latest item you got. For instance: Someone you know has bought the latest iPhone Pro, so you go on and get the latest iPhone Pro Max. Or when parents compare their kids to fill their egos. Not only this leads to never being satisfied with what you have, but this behaviour pushes you into accumulating more and more debt.
5. Taking criticism personally: Because your self-worth is based on the opinion of others, you take criticism (even the positive criticism that’s meant to improve you) or feedback, as a threat to your identity. If your work doesn’t get positive feedback, you take it personally instead of constructively. Ego runs the show and is always right.
Most of us struggled with Ego at some point in our lives and some still are. It’s not easy to defeat such a foe.
You might have noticed that Ego doesn’t like hard work, or dealing with reality. It believes he’s too exceptional and superior to others and because of that, the recognition coming from others and success is something ought to be given.
Each one of us wants to achieve something in our lifetime:
- We want to start a business.
- We want to take dance lessons to impress our significant other.
- Write a book, or tell our story.
- Build a good family.
All of that requires a lot of work.
This work has to be performed at both personal and professional levels and that requires courage.
How to control your ego
So far, it seems that everything Ego does leads to negative outcomes.
As stated at the beginning of the article, Ego serves a purpose in our development and it’s nearly impossible to fully eliminate it.
But you sure as heck have control over it.
So what are the actions that will help you defeat your Ego?
First, you should be aware how Ego looks like.
Do you find yourself sharing the same set of opinions written above?
You often catch yourself envying others because you compare yourself to them or perhaps every conversation inevitably leads to you talking about yourself.
- Listen to what others are saying and don’t interrupt them: each one of us has a different upbringing, and because of that, we have different perspectives. Once you get this, you’ll accept other points of view without being dismissive.
- Practice humility: Notice when you make mistakes and acknowledge them.
- Give credit to others when credit is due.
- Reflect on your actions and thoughts. You can do this by journaling or meditation. (I prefer journaling as it shows the progress I make).
What does someone that controls their Ego look like, and what qualities does that person displays?
Here are the most common traits I’ve noticed in people who are in control of their Ego:
Confidence: Because everything he has, was earned not given. Confidence is based in reality and stems from results which in turn are obtained from hard work. And because confidence is something real and not a delusion, the person that displays it, has more awareness of the abilities he possesses. In turn, this motivates him to take further action and overcome obstacles.
Humility or being humble: Some people consider that humble persons have low self-esteem and a lack of confidence. The reason for this belief is that these people have a constant need to show off what they’ve got. That’s completely wrong. As confidence, humility too is rooted in reality. For that reason, it does not require external validation.
Conclusion:
The Ego is fed by comfort and fear. It tells you what you want to hear to keep you comfortable and complacent. Although it’s very difficult to get rid of Ego completely, we can recognize its scare tactics and be aware of them.
We have the ability to control our Ego and keep it in check by exposing our ideas (slowly at first) to the world. Gaining feedback on your ideas can help you improve yourself.
Because you are trying to change yourself, you’ll likely have a feeling of not being genuine. It’s necessary to stay on track and believe that what you’re trying to accomplish doesn’t come easy and that, in the end, it will be worth it.
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Later,
D